Listen, everyone
There were objects so peculiar,
They were not to be believed
All around, things to tantalise my brain,
It's a world unlike
Anything I've ever seen
and as hard as I've tried
I can't seem to describe
Like a most improbable dream
but you must believe when I tell you this
It's as real as my skull and it does exist.
Here, let me show you
This is a thing called a present
The whole thing starts with a box
(a box? Is it steel?)
(Are there locks?)
(is it filled with a pox?)
(A pox? how delightful a pox)
If you please.
Just a box with bright coloured paper
and the whole things topped with a bow
(a bow? but why?)
(How ugly)
(what's in it, what's in it?)
That's the point of the thing not to know!
(It's a bat)
(Will it bend?)
(It's a rat)
(Will it break?)
(Perhaps it s the head that I found in the lake)
Listen now you dont understand
that's not the point of Christmas land!
Now pay attention.
We pick up an oversized sock
and hang it, like this, on a wall
(oh yes, does it still have foot?)
(let me see, let me look?)
(is it rotted and covered in gook?)
um, let me explain
There's no foot inside, but there's candy
Or sometimes it's filled with small toys
(Small toys?)
(do they bite, do they snap, or explode in the sack?)
(Or perhaps they just jump out and scare girls and boys!)
(What a splendid idea, this Christmas sounds fun)
(I fully endorse it, let's try it at once!)
Everyone please, now not so fast
There's something here that you don't quite grasp
Well, we may as well give them what they want.
And the best, I must confess
I have saved for the last,
for the ruler of this Christmas land
is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice
least, thats what I have come to understand
And I've also heard it told that he is
Something to behold
Like a lobster huge and red
And he sets out a sleigh with his reindeer on
carting bulging sacks with his big, great arms
That is so I've heard it said
And on a dark, cold night
under full moonlight
he flies into the fog
like a vulture in the sky
and they call him
Sandy Claws
Well at least they're excited
But they dont understand
that special kind of feeling
in Christmas land
Oh well

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