Gilbert And Sullivan
The Grand Duke (Or The Statutory Duel) Act I
Song - Notary
About a century since,
The code of the duello
To sudden death
For want of breath
Sent many a strapping fellow.
The then presiding Prince
(Who useless bloodshed hated),
He passed an Act,
Short and compact,
Which may be briefly stated.
Unlike the complicated laws
A Parliamentary draftsman draws,
It may be briefly stated.
ALL:
We know that complicated laws,
Such as a legal draftsman draws,
Cannot be briefly stated.
NOT:
By this ingenious law,
If any two shall quarrel,
They may not fight
With falchions bright
(Which seemed to him immoral);
But each a card shall draw,
And he who draws the lowest
Shall (so 'twas said)
Be thenceforth dead--
In fact, a legal ghoest
(When exigence of rhyme compels,
Orthography forgoes her spells,
And ghost is written ghoest).
ALL (aside):
With what an emphasis he dwells
Upon orthography and spells!
That kind of fun's the lowest.
NOT:
When off the loser's popped
(By pleasing legal fiction),
And friend and foe
Have wept their woe
In counterfeit affliction,
The winner must adopt
The loser's poor relations--
Discharge his debts,
Pay all his bets,
And take his obligations.
In short, to briefly sum the case,
The winner takes the loser's place,
With all its obligations.
ALL:
How neatly lawyers state a case!
The winner takes the loser's place,
With all its obligations!

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