When I was still a school girl,
standing just about yay high,
I saw the face of Jesus
in a coconut cream pie.
Next morning, there was Mary
in a bowl of special k,
and ten of twelve Apostles
in the salad bar buffet.
Now frankly, I'm an eater,
and I polished of Saint Peter
when my tummy sorta gave a little lurch,
and, I knew,
beyond all question,
it was more than indigestion,
and that's how I got my calling to the church.
My mother kicked the bucket
in the flood of ‘38.
A falling Steinway piano
sent my father to his fate.
All twenty of my siblings
caught the plague, by some odd chance.
And something in the meatloaf
got my uncles and my aunts.
The town I lived in bit it
when a freak tornado hit it,
and the heartbreak took my dog to his reward.
And – I figured on reflection,
I could maybe use protection,
and that's how I got my
calling to the lord!
(how I got my
calling to the lord)
Yes, that was how I got the calling!
And it was bracing -
But enthralling!
And I just knew I'd do as I was bid.
I'd be overfed -
And I'd be obviously dead -
So thank the Lord I got the calling when I did!
The folks from ‘Jews for Jesus'
stuck a pamphlet in my purse.
I heard a voice while playing
‘Sargeant Pepper' in reverse.
I prayed and then by goll,
my psoriasis was healed.
People always told me
that I looked like Sally Field.
I had a revelation
when I skipped my medication.
The outfit just did wonders for my frame.
And, yes it may be odd
to get a wake-up call from God.
But in the end, I got the calling, and I came.
(I got the calling and I came)
And that was how I got the calling,
(La La La La La La)
And gave my life an overhauling
(La La La La)
And it was loud -
And firm -
And oh, so clear!
Yes it's quite a jump.
But I'd be lost - Afraid - A frump!
So thank the Lord I got the calling,
and I'm here!
You see... I mean... it's kind of like, I –
came here as a tot.
What I mean is...
left here at the door.
And I don't know if I'm...
... supposed to be a nun -
It's...
hard to say, but after all,
that's what the call if for.
Me and... sister sledge...
We had a ministry, I guess.
Uh, working at our lady of...
perpetual... excess...
We'd go among the village... people...
everyday... well, night.
Lifting up the sinful
and helping the uptight.
Then suddenly one day
it was like, bang!
And right away I saw the light
and screamed Sweet Jesus Christ
and such
And... I asked to be secluded
in this hellhole just like you did.
And that's how I got the calling,
pretty much
How she got the calling
pretty much.
And that's is how I got the calling.
It was sublime -
and yet appalling!
And it was oh, so right in all respects!
Aahhhh...
Sweet as mountain honey -
and as wild as summer lightening -
and as warm as woollen mittens -
and so fierce that it was frightening -
and as bright as new-cut flowers -
and as swift as April showers -
and orgasmic as a night of sweaty sex!
If it never came -
If all our lives were just the same -
Well, heaven knows what might've
happened to us then...
But we got the calling.
Thank the Lord we got the calling.
We're so glad you got the calling,

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