Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you one tip for the future Sunscreen would be it
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice, now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth
Oh, never mind
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded
But trust me
In 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked
You are not as fat as you imagine
Don't worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday
Do one thing every day that scares you
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours
Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead
Sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end
It's only with yourself
Remember compliments you receive
Forget the insults
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters
Throw away your old bank statements
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken' on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chances, so are everybody else's
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you fell ugly
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good
Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that friends come and go
But a precious few, who you should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
For as older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young
Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard
Live in North California once but leave before it makes you soft
Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicans will philander, you too, will get old
And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicans were noble and children, respected their elders
Respect your elders
Don't expect anyone to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out
Don't mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you're 40 it will look 85
Be careful with whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
Dispensing it is a way of fishing out the past from the disposal,
Wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth
But trust me on the sunscreen

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