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I can vaguely---recall---the panic attacks Iâd get when I was young
and how my lower back would ache when my bottom rib stuck to my lung. How were they suppose to know---I wasnât lying-_crying wolf-
all I wanted was a hug All I got âwas---stop your crying---
pleasure died that day between the rusty swing set monkey barsâ
the more Id run from that the more I found I never got too far
from an---ugly memory just--waiting to remind me
how naïve and vulnerable I was before my eyes could see us dying
Out of tune out off touch nothing new just---not enough
Never thought thereâd come a day where Iâd consider giving up.
Iâve hit the ground been down and out before but never for this long..
itâs never been so hard to force my head Up
When it rains it poursâ¦I lay my face it drifts away
I know that this isnât meâ¦I know who I want to be.
all that Iâve been working for suddenly means nothing Now.
build a castle watch it crumble no more walls âa dummyâs smile
waves crashing pulling shore-----liftingâdrenched weepingâsore--âWAVES CRASHING WAVE4Sâshore---
I Find myself spending time trying to figure out whats wrong
Instead of taking time to cry and reflecting all alone.
All day long Its almost gone I can feel it in my gutâwhat ive done who I was who I am and--why I runâ¦.
I---Took a testâtook a guessâIt was wrongâI made it upâ made it rightâI know Ill die---its quite----alright---I know Iâm strong---makes me cryâ¦keep it in--til I canâtâ thatâs the problem---I have- yet to figure out how to adapt to sudden trauma---somethings wrong-theres something hereâ something I canât be a part of-_ left outâI want the-- leadâwhat is this forâI help the worldâI hurt it more watch it bleed--need forgivenessâohhh Im sorry---over confidentâContrived-cuz--Im still trying to hide my flaws--
waves crashing pulling shore-----liftingâdrenched weepingâsore--âWAVES CRASHING WAVE4Sâshore---
I watch the cheetah chase its prey-
I look away she licks the blood.
I cried until I watched her lay and feed it to her little cub-
Im not sure what I needâbut this isnât what I want
my decisions tire me ---wiring got tied knots
witnessing a murder is half the reason whyâI feel half alive-unsure concerned with
with why we have to die--
I know that this isnât fair but in time will we find outâexactly how we wound up hereâand---why our insides-cry Outloud.---Im a cloud----vapor child â¦You canât count on me right now---Im dissolving---Falling slowly ---fading hope I make it outâsink or drownâGet back up make a pathâtake a walk grab my partner by the hand ask her if sheâd like to comeâ¦.gotta goâits okay-------save the rest for in betweenâno mistake could take the placeâof lessons learnedâchase or flee.
waves crashing pulling shore-----liftingâdrenched weepingâsore--âWAVES CRASHING WAVE4Sâshore---
Nature has its way with me it takes what I call mine
From six feet deep climbing up out to cloud nine.
No direction in my sense turned my world from out to in
sideâlies head.
Its my worldâitâs the end
Let me spin back in control.
New beginningâ
hole I left
feels a lot more like my---home
something Iâve learned to accept.
higher floatâlow I get.
There no fence.
Clear as day
comes in waves
glad youâre here---
reconnecting-with my birth gaining faith-painting fear-aging achesâtasting love-making loveâtasting tearsâmaking war-u003d-waging-itâbreaking upâperfect picture timing nakedâmaking itâfacing it----now--waking up.
Shore.