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I never open up your door
I never shower you with praise
When you call or text my phone
I don't reply to you for days
I can't hold down a job
I failed my G.E.D.
I'm angry then indifferent
And babe, oooh babe
That's why you love me
That's why you love me
I take you out to awesome meals
But can't afford to pay the checks
I will pledge eternal love
Then leave your place right after sex
I always say I'm booked
In truth, I'm usually free
I canceled on your birthday
And babe, oooh babe
That's why you love me
That's why you love me
That's why you love me
You love how I keep you guessing
If I'm interested or not
And how I tell your mother
That she is super-frickin' hot!
How I cover up my lies
By sayin' I'm hangin' with the guys
No one'll treat you half as nice
I only cheated on you twice...
You've got no choice
You know you're hooked
You're hooked!
You gave it up on our first date
Oh yeah!
After I told you you looked fine
But had to lose a little weight
Only ten pounds!
I'm bound to disappoint
I'm sure that you'd agree
I'm snotty and neglectful
I'm nasty and self-serving
I've got a giant penis!
And babe, oooh, babe
That's why you love me
Yeah yeah yeah!
That's why you love me
Oh yeah!
That's why you love me
That's why you love me!