So, it's a story-battle you're after, is it? Well then lord Teej, have at you! Hah!
Once upon a time!
No, once upon a time.
No, you need to listen here!
No, you need to follow mine.
Well I've got a tall tale!
Mine's told in rhyme!
Mine's dark.
Mine's light!
Mine's cruel.
Mine's kind!
I've told tales in abundance in artistry epics, a story for me is no ordinary session.
I've folk tales and legends and poëms and quests, my fables are famous all composed in my head.
Yarns and farces, adventures and scares, horror stories with warnings if you're entering there. Thrills and chills that'll tingle your spine, toungue-twisting parables that are simply devine.
Well my tall tales can make a grown man weep! Make a devoted shepard disown his sheep!
I shout stories to no-one on frozen peaks,
I speak ancient whale-tales in the low-down deep.
My terror-tales turn nuns to demons,
each one at bedtime comes with wonderful dreaming.
Folklore and fables I invite you to sightsee, each evening I read from an infinite library!
Once upon a time!
No, once upon a time.
Well, you need to listen here!
No, you need to follow mine.
Mine's full of epic glory!
Mine's beautifully sublime.
Mine's dark.
Mine's light!
Mine's cruel.
Mine's kind!
Once upon a time!
No, once upon a time.
No, you need to listen here!
No, you need to follow mine.
Mine's full of epic glory!
Mine's beautifully sublime.
Once upon a time there was a wizened old crone who, was assigned as a wizard for a king on a throne.
No, the king was a prince and the crone was a maid, and they had a magic harp cast spells as it played!
No, the harp was a faux, when it played it created a doorway to a strange land of goblins that shapeshift, and to escape the prince had to-
Fly away on a swan with the spells of a wizard that contained-
And the spells came to life, in the back of beyond, took on forms and each one looked terribly wrong-
Huge ogres, gross beasts with sharp teeth and fangs, and foul giant squids that could walk over land, waking monsters and fiends from the depths of the earth, a whole army of creatures to unsettle your nerves-
Who usurped the spoiled king and his teller of tales, which gave the professor a chance to set sail!
He slipped out with ease when folk were distracted, you should always be careful with tales of magic!
(wha- ah, nah! No! Please! God! Ah! Not a giant squid!)
That'll teach ya! Get them my pretties!

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