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It's as if my heart
and my body are separate.
I've floated on these thoughts for a while now,
and not a time have they connected,
or helped to reverse the person I'm becoming.
In some ways you come alive,
but in most ways it's numbing.
I was slowly fading, afraid of giving up.
Defending my mind, yet feeling overcome.
And as I sit here hoping again
I know the sun is setting.
Hoping I could reverse time,
but I know that won't be happening.
As the light tries to escape,
the canvas once again grows grey.
And optimism fades away.
It's all just so maddening.
I'm too lost in a memory.
With my head tucked in between my knees
while the echoes of eternity play the symphony of this lost soul.
It's all just so maddening.
When you know the cure to the disease that's spreading,
but the medicines you just stop taking.
You feel alone,
you feel ashamed.
You feel overcome,
and you feel desperate.
And at some point, you feel defeated.
You feel all those things,
but not a one has brought you out of your seat yet.
And even with all that pain,
silence keeps its motionless hold.
Even though my insides are screaming,
I'll watch it all decompose.
For all we are, we are not whole.