You talk like her that played Mandy Dingle
And you dance like a pissed Fred Astair
Your clothes they are all made by Kappa
And there's yesterdays soup in your hair (Yes there is, quite a lot)
You live in a shed down in Kendray
Off the Boulevard Hunningley Lane
Where you keep your pigeons and ferrets
And you once cadged a cig from Paul Shane (yes you did)
So where do you go to my lovely – when you're alone in your shed
Tell me the parts that surround you
I want to look inside your head (Yes I do – but not for nits)
I've seen all your lengthy convictions
You got from Barnsley Magistrates court
And the ash tray you stole from Bodegas
And the knocked off TV that you bought
When you go on your summer vacation
To Ibiza: San Antonio Bay
With your carefully designed crotchless swimsuit
You can tan, while all the blokes run away
(You'll never see them for the dust!)
And by nightfall you're found down he boozer
With others who drink to forget
And you sup your tenth Red Bull and Vodka
And moan about all of your debts
So where do you go to my lovely – when you're alone in the shed
I know all the smells that surround you
Would have any man wish they were dead (yes I do)
Your name it is heard in high places
By the bouncers in all of the clubs
As they drag you out kicking and screaming
After being barred from all the town's pubs
(Oh yes, Pubwatch know your name)
And they say that when you get married
He'll deserve a medal as big as a bin lid
Cause he'll have to put up with you farting in bed
And how you kick off at your seven kids
(Chantelle, Nathan, Chlamydia, Tyler and the other three who you can't even be arsed to remember their names)
So where do you go to my lovely – what goes on inside your head
On Thursday you're down at the bookies
Putting all of your giro on bets
(There's no way a horse called Yorkshire Pride is finishing first)
I remember round the back of the Netto
Two children playing innocent games
I saw some things playing ‘Doctors and Nurses'
And me life's never been quite the same (No it's not – it never will!)
So look into my face Donna Clegg
And remember just who you are
Then go and leave me forever
But I know that you won't get that far
(With that mattress on your back)
I know where you go to my lovely - When you're not frequenting Greggs
I know nought but trouble surrounds you
So I don't want to get in your keks

SUBMIT CORRECTIONS