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To surf on the net, or to surf TV channels,
Over and over, there's been one request:
It's Xena we want, the Warrior Princess,
At least Gabrielle, and we want them undressed.
Now, I have to admit, they're not unattractive,
But if we're talking fantasies, I want the best.
Aye, Callisto, I think that I love you,
You psycho bitch leather queen killer bombshell.
Hai, Callisto, I sing to your spirit,
I'm doing it now, 'cause you're going to Hell.
Ai-yi-yi!
Whoh-ooh-ohh...
Ai-yi-yi!
Whoh-ooh-ohh...
I've noticed a trend in the Xena fan-fiction:
Our heroes are lesbians, friendly and more...
Meanwhile, on the show, they're all into bondage,
Shackles, and leather, and sex on the floor.
If these two trends combine, we'll get... Mistress Callisto...
Enslaving our heroes...
... the ratings will soar!
Aye, Callisto, put Xena in irons,
I hope you take Gabrielle over your knee,
But, why, Callisto, does Xena obsess you?
You do it to her, but I wish it was me.
Aye, Callisto, I think that I love you,
You psycho bitch leather queen killer bombshell.
Hai, Callisto, I sing to your spirit,
An hour with you would be worth any Hell.
Ai-yi-yi!
I-I-olous -- wait, that's the other show...
Ai-yi-yi!
Whoh-ooh-ohh...
(The extra verse and chorus mentioned above)
She once was a babe, a blonde in black leather,
A sexier snuff queen you never would find;
But then came the plots where Xena redeems her,
And now she's all gentle and loving and kind;
Her wings are a joke, and her robes sure are glowing,
Some jerkface producer is out of his mind...
Aiee, Callisto, you're Touched By An Angel,
A cloying self-righteous defender of peace,
I, Callisto, speak for your male viewers:
Corrupt Roma Downey and dump Della Reese.
- Album:
- In Concert WindyCon 2013
- Sound of Heaven
- Plugged
- Tom Smith and his Digital Acoustic Compilation
- Debasement Tapes
- The Last Hero on Earth: The 24-hour Project, Volume 2...
- Live at Ga-Filk 2001
- The Last Hero on Earth (Prerelease MP3 Pack)
- Laughter Is a Powerful Weapon, Volume 2
- The Last Hero on Earth: A Comic Opera
- Homecoming: Marcon 2005
- iTom 1.0: And So It Begins
- iTom 2.0: Transitions
- iTom 4.0: Smith and Legend
- Who Let Him in Here?
- Domino Death
- The Last Hero On Earth
- Live at LibertyCon 2010
- Live At ConTata 2011
- Live at DucKon 2010