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[Hook]
Stay. No, donât
Go away. Come close
When I say what I wantâs not the same as what Iâve done. Oh no
Itâs coursing through my veins
Coursing through my veins
Iâm out of control
I can never tell when itâs over
When I say what I wantâs not the same as what Iâve done. Oh no
Itâs coursing through my veins
Coursing through my veins
But I want control
[Verse 1]
The jenga pieces were fucked from the start
Cause everything that I touch falls apart
Thereâs a faulty part of me resting, till it gets the best of me
Letâs me reach for the structure and then it shoves on my arm
I expect to be late - in a rush, cause itâs smart
And it deafens my head to negate the buzz of the alarm
Though I set it, I slept through it - wait...which one is the mark?
And who meddled? I wrestle with blame - while drunk up at the bar
Then Iâm shredded to death the next day - too hungover to march
To the set of this expletive play, in whatâs known as a farce
This director resents and degrades - I flub all of my parts
And I exit the stage, yet I claim that Iâm numb to his remarks
Iâm an expert in lessening in pain, I cut over the scars
So the flesh that is left can remain untouched, pure as the dawn
But the second it festers, I rage. Destruction of the facade
Ainât no guessing the recipeâs flavor, when crunched under the char
Itâs excessive in plenty of ways, Iâm stumped? Then I restart
Cause If it ainât perfection, I fade - I run towards the dark
Like thereâs medicine kept in the shade - he crumples up the art
I regressively step and the baby gets dumped with the water
The penaltyâs heft on mistakes is much heavier/harsh
So, when I mess up - reset the game - and thus - never go farther
A vet to rejection and hate, Iâm huddled in my guard
So instead when Iâm sent a grenade, I can bump it out the park
But he tends to deflect any praise and lumps it with the snark
My perception is - yes, Iâm afraid Iâll fumble at 1 yard
Iâm sweating whenever thereâs bets to be placed, stuttering over the odds
Leveraging a defensive delay, by shuffling the cards
Petrified of success and acclaim, he stumbles over the blocks
Every hex is accepted with grace, heâs comfortable in the loss
He projects, the trajectoryâs safe, itâs control he can chart
Thereâs sympathetic attention to gain - the shrug nobody wants
And it's all the expense of his angst, I gun solo - itâs hard
Instead of help - incessant delays - it does most of the harm
And when wave of depression came, he jumped right over the barge
And in my dread, I was led astray and I dug holes in my yard
My ex suggested we separate, cause I suffocate with art
But there were many more pressing plagues, uthat were stuffed within our cart
And then when I checked out, I felt my brain, I shut it in response
Ain't no prep for the sense of shame, when your woman knows you lost - 40
I felt dejected, my selfish ways, had crushed my loverâs heart
And then my plus 1 departs, like they were plucked from the ark
Temporarily end the ache, with sluts, hoes and thots
On the bus home Iâm starving, cause my stomachâs full of knots
And as I slept in this bed of blades - heâs puffing a cigar
Cause he deceptively fed me bait, and drugged me with his charm
Itâs like a sedative - hence the haze, youâre somehow absolved
Knowing thereâs someone else in charge as you plummet and you fall
I relent and self-deprecate, and publicize my flaws
Turning these lemons to lemonade, in a punch filled with straws
Everyone begs me to get a taste, itâs ugly but itâs strong
As I struggle to evolve from a duck into a swan
Yet this devil wonât let me change, heâs sunk in with his claws
Until he collects every debt I pay, Iâm stuck within these walls
Iâm living within an enemy state of mind, but instead of a stranger, penning these checks
The evidence states, the enemyâs name is mine
[Hook]
Stay. No, donât
Go away. Come close
When I say what I wantâs not the same as what Iâve done. Oh no
Itâs coursing through my veins
Coursing through my veins
Iâm out of control
I can never tell when itâs over
When I say what I wantâs not the same as what Iâve done. Oh no
Itâs coursing through my veins
Coursing through my veins
But I want control
[Verse 2]
Iâm outta control. I want you to know that my mind is my foe, and it vies for the throne
Iâm trying to hold it inside, but it wonât
Subside and it grows, unless I can oppose it by fighting to own
What Iâve pridefully thrown to the side cause Iâm prone to be private and closed
So, writing this tome where Iâm highly exposed, helps lighten the load
Of the lies and loathing, the size of a boulder thatâs tied to me
Hope l survive to be old and wiser, bestowed with the spite that Iâm owed
From the life that Iâve broken - the price of atonement is dying alone
And Iâm out of control - And Iâve driving it home - every wind in road Is the kind that erodes
And behind me itâs broke, I stay alive going forward and hide from my ghosts
But this self-sabotage is a complex process where the conflictâs
Brought upon by my own impulsive thoughts and then Iâm haunted at night by them both
I was psyched to propose, so hyper with goals, and despite this he chose, to incite a divorce
And reclined as a drone in his stifling work, then he cries in remorse
In a cycle of woe, itâs dividing my soul
And one sideâs got to go. (I got a shot) But i cannot decide if Iâm the parasite or the host
[Outro]
Thereâs something wrong with my head
That shouldnât be there. (I donât need there)
Iâm out of control
Iâm out of control
Iâm out of control
Iâm out of control
Donât ever change. Donât ever change
Cause it wonât change. No it wonât change anyway. (41)
So you can stay the way you are
The way you are