Take your hands out of your pockets
Arch your back, puff out your chest
Put some swagger to your gait, or
You'll look like a masturbator
Fix your posture and the rest.
But I am a masturbator-
We'll fix that.
All your nerdiness is ugly
Nerd?! I thought I was more of a geek-
All your stammering's a chore
Uh- what?
Your ticks and figets are persistent
And your charm is nonexistent
Fix your vibe then fix some more.
But - but - but - I -
No, stop.
Woooooah, everything about you is so terrible
Woooooah, everything about you makes me want to die
Jesus Christ
So don't freak out
And don't resist
And have no doubt
If I assist
You will be more chill
First thing's first, go buy a new shirt
What- what's wrong with my shirt?!
Shh, it's better if you just comply
My job's to color your aesthetic,
And make you seem much less pathetic
So just step and fetch, don't ask me why.
How are you with math homework?
I'm a super-comuter, Jeremy... I'm made of math.
Woooooah, everything about you is so terrible
(Everything about you sucks, everything about you sucks!)
Woooooah, everything about you makes me want to die
(Everything about you sucks, everything about you sucks!)
All the people in the mall think you are such a slob!
(You're a slob! Terrible! Such a slob!)
Woooooah and I see why!
Now you, try picking a shirt.
That's a girl's shirt.
Jerry?
Uh- Jeremy.
You shop here?
Oh yeah, all the time,
Never.
Never... is what I meant!
Greet the beta.
Hey, Brooke!
You look sexy.
I can't say that to a hot girl!
Don't smile. Stare intensely. Speak like you don't care about your own death.
Looking pretty sexy... Brooke
Thanks
Is that a girl's shirt?
Repeat after me.
I saw it in the window and I couldn't dismiss
I saw it in the window and I couldn't dismiss
I was dating a girl
I was dating a girl
She had a shirt just like this
She had a shirt just like this!
It's still painful
It's still painful
So who was this mystery girl?
Uh, you've probably never heard of her, she-
Madeline
Madeline!
WHAT?!
She's French
Oh, she is NOT French, she just pretends to be for attention.
Madeline broke up with you?
I mean-
I broke up with her
I broke up with her
Cause she was cheating on me
Cause she was cheating on me!
Hey, Hamlet. Be. More. Chill.

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