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If I were prime minister Iâd transform the land
All things would be glorious under my firm strong hand
Iâd enlarge Prince Edward Island and shrink the tax on booze
If I were Prime Minister the Leafs would never lose
If I were Prime Minister French and English would be gone
Thereâd be no more two solitudes âcause weâd all speak Klingon
And Iâd give my buddies jobs they werenât qualified for
Wait, Iâm so sorry, I think thatâs been done before
If I were Prime Minister Canadians would tan
In the Gulf of Mexico where Iâd move Newfoundland
If I were prime Minister I would use my power
To finally make the donut our official flower
And Iâd make it illegal to sit and bitch and whine
Though that might leave Canadians with too much spare time
And I would be Prime Minister if only for one flaw
I donât think that I could ever live in Ottawa
If I were, if I were, if I were Prime Minister
If I were, if I were, if I were Prime Minister
If I were, if I were, if I were Prime Minister
If I were, if I were, if I were Prime Minister
Iâd bathe in Maple Syrup and Iâd have a talking moose
And Mounties would massage me to keep me nice and loose
Iâd get rid of the Queen and replace it with my cat
And appointment to the Senate would be trial by combat
Iâd fix all the problems of our countryâs apparatus
By granting ever person, nation status
Iâd encourage global warming, move the jetstream further north
And Iâd ban all politicians, except for me of course