I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat
Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service
When I was a child, my mother said to me
Clean the plate, because children are starving in Europe
And I might point out that that was years before
The Marshall Plan was ever heard of
So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times a day
Because somehow I felt that that would keep the children
From starving in Europe
But I was wrong, they kept starving and I got fat
So I would like to say to every one of you
Who is either skinny or in some other way normal
When you walk out on the street, and you see a fat person
Do not scoff at that fat person, oh no
Take off your hat, hold it over your heart, lift your chin up high
And in a proud, happy voice say to him
Hail to thee, fat person! You kept us out of war!