Mother nature made me
Strictly second-rate
Smart but not good-looking
What an awful fate
Girls don't go for IQ
Eggheads ain't their style
They don't say, I like you
They don't even smile
Well, mother nature
I'll get back at you
Tomorrow morning
Here's what I will do
I'm calling Dr. Max Rose
That's who I chose
He's gonna make me
A second-hand nose
I went to his office
Once or twice and
All his patients looked
Like Barbra Streisand
Then I'll get second-hand hair
Second-hand teeth
And contact lenses
In a baby blue
And elevator shoes
And then I'll melt the girls' hearts
They can't resist a man
With interchangeable parts
Girls will go nuts
Parked in my second-hand Stutz
We'll sit there sniffing glue
On second avenue