I could have a mansion on a hill
I could lease a villa in Seville
But it wouldn't be as nice as a summer in Ohio
With a gay midget named Carl playing Tevya and Porgy
I could wander Paris after dark
Take a carraige ride through central park
But it wouldn't be as nice as a summer in Ohio
Where I'm sharing a room with a former stripper and her snake
I could have a satchel full of dollar bills
Cures for all the nations ills
Pills to make a lion purr
I could be in line to be the British Queen
Look like I was seventeen
Still I'm certain I'd prefer to be going slowly batty
40 miles east of Cincinatti
I could shove an ice pick in my eye
I could eat some fish from last July
But it wouldn't be as awful as a summer in Ohio
Without cable, hot water, vietnamese food or you
I saw your book at a borders in Kentucky
Under a sign that said new and reccommended
I stole a look at your picture on the inside sleeve then I couldn't leave
Richard who was with me got uncharacteristically quiet
And he said 'All things considered I guess you don't have to buy it'
So I smile like Mona Lisa
And I lay my visa down
He wants me
He wants me
But he ain't gonna get me
I found my guiding light
I tell the stars each night
Look at me
Look at him
Son of a bitch, I guess I'm doing something right
I finally got something right
No, it's not Nirvana but it's on the way
I play Anita at the matine
Then I get on my knees and pray I can state in my next bio
I'm never gonna go back to Ohio
I could chew on tin foil for a spell
I could get a root canal in hell
But it wouldn't be as swell as this summer's gonna be
'Cos the torture is just exquisite
While I'm waiting for you to visit
So hurry up schmuck, get unstuck
And get on the scene
Love the midget
The stripper
Wayne the snake
And Mrs Jaime Wellerstein
That's me!