I'm so bored, time to sheathe the sword
Why is this game so damn adored?
Everyone says it's so much fun
Twelve hours in, I quit
Yeah, I'm done
I liked Zelda more before the 64
Hashtag... Ocarina of Time!
Stop before you say something you might regret
Hello, Dave.
Don't diss Ocarina on the Internet!
Or what?
Think what frightening fanboys you'd provoke!
They don't know you're otherwise a decent bloke!
Oh no -- Ocarina minions!
Look Dave, this is my opinion.
After twelve hours? Your opinion is conjecture!
Do I sense a rambling lecture?
Hyrule was grander in our minds
Than a flat 2D plane
We longed for a game to expand that old land that we loved!
Secrets and treasure we could find in the corners and caves
That we couldn't see back when we squinted down from above...
Run 'round wild and free
Dive into the sea
Climb a tree and generally explore the flipping country!
Yeah, maybe if I were six.
No no no no, lemme stop you there;
Maybe, don't be a prick!
Whoa whoa whoa whoa, lemme clear the air --
Let's be calm and adult;
I'm just not in the cult.
Play through the night, you'll see the light
It's wonderful, so beautiful!
It blew your little socks off
I get that, but
You might see my viewpoint if I could rebut--
Why don't you feel the love that this game
Inspires in thousands of lives 'round the world?
Here's what I'm getting at:
The crappy textures make it all look so gross and flat!
And why do those two guys run around like that?
And also there's this owl who will not shut up!
Not one for reading, then?
THIS makes my eyeballs sore.
3D was done so well in Mario 64,
Although it was released two whole years before
This clunky piece of crap you worship so much!
But it is loved by all!
(Hah, delusional!)
And it is wonderful
(I just don't feel the magic!)
You're all alone in this, 'cause
(It feels like)
Everyone's on board
(Except for me, douchebag!)
They took my Hy-yi-rule
(Yeah! And made it real!)
And made it look like stool
(Ugh! What is your deal?)
I don't know why it gives you such a boner
Cha cha cha!
And ya know what I hate?
Well, you know what I love?
Aiming shots, (breaking pots)
Just connect the dots in your brainy bank, you zany yank
Navi's voice, (much more choice!)
But I don't rejoice when my choices suck
You limey fuck
Menu screen, (magic beans)
Which are dumb
No, they're not!
Zombie screams, (haunt my dreams!)
But it's fun!
It's not fun!
Yes, it is!
No, it's not!
Yes, it is!
Is not! (Is too!)
You're dumb! (Screw you!)
Blow me! (No thanks.)
Damn it, shut up
Shut up
You're the worst kind of fanboy.
You're the missing link to the past!
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
Wazzock!
Asshole!
Why don't you come and say that to my face?
Well, maybe I will!
Well, why don't you--?
...Where are you going?
Hey smarty-pants; oh, don't be shy.
You wanna dance? Well, so do I!
Now here's your chance to tell me why you love this game.
Well, where to start? And what's the goal?
It's games as art that touch the soul!
You have no heart, so how can you speak of love?
That's bullcrap and you know it!
Graphically, Ocarina was a tragedy
(We needed this when 3D hadn't found its way)
Do the textures cause depressive personality?
(So gamers could say, this is how the future of games could be!)
'Cause they're literally sad to see.
They took that game I loved so much
(To live inside that world)
And twisted it into a beast
(And explore the land, sword in hand, be the hero)
And made it look all new and strange...
(That's what we'd all dreamed of)
If there's one thing I hate, it's change!
This overrated chore
(This is just nostalgia now!)
With all its fanboy drones
(You just weren't the proper age!)
What's worse: it spawned a million lame adventure clones
(Nintendo Power scored it high,)
(Its pace was taut, yet fun!)
This is your nostalgia now
(A story that grips)
(Without relying on some pre-rendered clips!)
If you show it to a child today
(It's a method that went on to eclipse)
They'll ask you for Link to the Past
(All others to this day!)
It's much more fun to play!
If you won't disavow
(Listen to your heart!)
This, your sacredest cow
(If you still know how, either way)
I don't care, 'cause
This ends now!
Man, this was an unnecessarily elaborate argument
You could say that, yes
But then you could've said a lot if I'd have just listened
I can't believe we even fought over this, I mean
We're both Zelda fans right?
Totally! Even if it is in slightly different ways
I mean, who says all the games you love have to hold up well?
Yeah! And why should you like anything that happened after you turned nine?
Right, and it's fine if you love things because everybody else does
Indeed! And far be it from me to tell you exactly where you can shove
Oh, dear
Stop before you say something you might regret
Why're we always fighting on the Internet?
Fandom starts with love, there's no need to shove
Surely we can disagree
And still both be fans of stuff
We're here for fun and games
Let friendship quench those flame-wars!
You're wrong, so what?
(And even though you're wrong I know we'll still be friends)
We'll get along
Whatever you think about
Ocarina of Time!
Ocarina of Time!
Sucks!
(Was great!)