Dress up a monkey in Armani
He may seem precocious and cute
Despite all that primpin'
You still got a chimp in a suit
Teach him the second verse of, Swanee
And most of Moon River to boot
Sure people will gape
But you still got an ape in a suit
Shprizt him 'til wet with the Eau de Toilette
And you're still gonna get a stench
Dampen him well in a quart of Chanel
It won't cover the smell, I should know, I'm French!
Take him to see Don Giovanni
Show him Cezanne's lovely fruit
Teach him to cook, from Escoffier's book
He's still a gorilla en croute, you still got a chimp in a suit
So you've shaved off his fur
Decked him out in couture and endowed him with pure
Savior Fare, you dressed him up fancy
And trained him to dance, he remains a chimpanzee
He's not Fred Astaire!
Give him a dandy little topper, tie on a natty cravat
Buy him a castle, he'll still be an asshole
And nothing you do will change that
He's still just a stinky little minkey
In a dinky little suit
And a cheap little hat!