They say I might as well face the truth
That I am just too long in the tooth
I started to deteriorate
And now I'm past my own sell-by date
Oh, I am no spring chicken, it's true
I have to pop my teeth into tune
And my old knees have started to knock
I've just got too many miles on the clock
So I'm wrinkly, crinkly, sad in my ways
It's true that my body's seen better days
But give me half a chance and I can still misbehave
One foot in the grave
One foot in the grave
(Hello?...yea, yea, yes, it's Meldrew here)
(Yes, Victor Meldrew)
(Yes I've been holding, hey.look.look, look, I've been on hold for about half an hour!)
(What for? I want to speak to someone, not this five hundred times of someone singing Have a nice day!)
(What do I, what, I want to complain!)
(On what? About everything!)
(What do you mean you're closed!)
(Oh well, the same to you!)
So I'm losing my hair and my spine's a bit kinked
I may be rare but I am not yet extinct
I'm an oldie, mouldy, too old to rave
One foot in the grave
One foot in the grave
(Hello!)
(Hello! Hello, oh hell! I can't hear myself think!)
(Stop it! Will you turn off that ruddy racket!)
They tell me I am well past my prime
The landlord in the sky's calling time
But there's one thing that he oughta know
I am not yet ready to go
I know I'm old, but I'm not a freak
I should be cherished like an antique
But everytime I have a slight cough
I'm frightened they'll start switching me off
So I'm wrinkly, crinkly but don't shed a tear
I'm not exactly a little old dear
One thing's for sure, I'm still bloody well here!
One foot in the grave
One foot in the grave
One foot in the grave
(Hello? Hello? The bloody hell's everyone gone?)
(I don't believe this!)
(Hello?)