Hello. My name is Lisa Popeil. Ha ha. Ever seen one of these? My father who's filthy rich made this. It's a Pocket Fisherman, ha ha. And he also made the Veg-O-Matic, which works about as well.
Now I'm here to tell you my life story
When I was young
I was a skinny neurotic bitch
(Doo-doo-da-dee-ha!)
But it didn't matter
(E-eh-e-eh-e-eh-e-eh-eh!)
Because the ego was so large
It didn't matter that I hadn't done nothing
Or seen nothing in my life, ow!
Trapped in a sexless body I always knew
(Ha ha ha ha-ha-ha)
That I was an oversexed hussy
So my next task was to find someone who could
Satisfy my every desire
(Da-da doo-dood da ba dad-dood
Da-dood-dad-dood da-dood-da-da)
Unfortunately I lacked the basic essentials
So I went out to get me some
Of what I needed all along
A pair of titties just like mom
(Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!)
I went to a Catholic school
With all those nerds
I swear a good Catholic girl
Can't go anywhere these days
Well, then there was a quest for the perfect hunk
I spell that h-u-n-k, hunk