Iâm gonna chisel away at this rock until I get the shape that I want and then Iâm gonna continue to chisel it, because thatâs what I do when I find myself in a new relationship. Because I remember when this started out as mud mixed with water that turned to clay and I would watch it break and break and look more like the image that I wanted to make. And itâs pathetic I know, but itâs all anyone ever gave. âCause I was born a virgin covered in blood and free of sin, and thatâs the exact shape I wanna make when I jump off this bridge. Iâm tired of trying to be something that I canât be, and Iâm tired of fighting for something that I canât see. Iâm finding new life in every regret and finding regrets in everything I forget and the second Iâm at peace Iâm thrown off by my need to make everything complete, âcause Iâm a sucker for the rule of threes. You hurt me and I hurt you. But when I hurt you, something needed to happen to give me some sort of closure. And Iâm sorry for my poor posture. I just canât stand up straight and take this like a man today, Iâm too broken. And thereâs so many things I wanna say, If only you will listen. And Iâll put my fingers in the door, so when I close it on you, Iâll hurt a little bit too. Because the only reason I held onto you was because I felt I had nothing left and the deeper I carve into this rock I realize itâs not gonna fit into the shape that I want, so I quit.
Because Iâve always been afraid to fall in love because thereâs something about falling, that just doesnât sound worth it. And I said it before and Iâll say it again, âIt was problematic at best, because you beckoned me and you lessened me, And no other love would accommodate my blindfold so easily.â But now I can see.
God, I gave you all of my love, but I canât see past this hurt. God, I gave you all of my love, so now what do I give to her? Iâm terrified, but Iâve never felt so alive.