ANYA: This is the man
that I plan to entangle
isn't he fine?
My claim to fame
was to maim and to mangle,
vengeance was mine
but I'm out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is
I'll never tell
XANDER: She is the one
she's such wonderful fun
such passion and grace
Warm in the night
when I'm right in her tight...
EMBRACE! Tight embrace!
I'll never let her go
the love we've known can only grow
there's just one thing that--
I'll never tell.
BOTH: Cause there's nothing to tell...
ANYA: He snores
XANDER: She wheezes
ANYA: Say 'housework' and he freezes
XANDER: She eats these skeezy cheeses
that I can't describe
ANYA: I talk, he breezes
XANDER: She doesn't know what 'please' is
ANYA: His penis got diseases
from a Chumash tribe
BOTH: The vibe gets kind of scary
XANDER: Like she thinks I'm ordinary
ANYA: Like it's all just temporary
XANDER: Like her toes are kinda hairy
BOTH: but it's all very well
cause God knows I'll never tell
ANYA: When things get rough he
just hides behind his Buffy
Now look, he's gettin' huffy
cause he knows that I know
XANDER: She clings, she's needy
She's also really greedy
She never
ANYA: His eyes are beady!
XANDER: This is my verse, Hello!
ANYA: Look at me, I'm dancing crazy!
BOTH: You know
XANDER: You're quite the charmer
ANYA: My knight in armor
XANDER: You're the cutest of the Scoobies
with your lips as red as rubies
and your firm yet supple...
tight embrace!
ANYA: He's swell.
XANDER: She's sweller.
ANYA: He'll always be my feller
XANDER: That's why I'll never tell her
that I'm petrified
ANYA: I've read this tale
there's wedding then betrayal
I know that come the day I'll want to run and hide
BOTH: I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
but there's these fears I can't quell
XANDER: Is she looking for a pot of gold?
ANYA: Will I look good when I've gotten old?
XANDER: Will our lives become too stressful
if I'm never that successful?
ANYA: When I get so worn and wrinkly
that I look like David Brinkley?
XANDER: Am I crazy?
ANYA: Am I dreamin'?
XANDER: Am I marrying a demon?
BOTH: We could really raise the beam
in making marriage a hell, so thank God
I'll Never Tell
I swear that
I'll Never Tell
XANDER: My lips are sealed.
ANYA: I'll take the fifth.
XANDER: Nothing to see
Move it along
BOTH: I'll Never