(Superman) I lost my parents in childhood
Grew up a loner no one understood
And spent years brooding as an aimless drifter
But through the inspiring words of my father
I'll become a symbol, an icon
A savior to restore hope to those who have none
(Batman) Uh, you mean like Batman?
(S) I travel the world as a bearded outcast to discover who I am
(B) Been there, done that
(S) My friends only speak to me in exposition and speeches of how important and unique I am
(B) Been there, done that
(S) If you ask me my life story, I would tell it to you out of order and disjointed
(B) Been there, done that
(S) I often have flashbacks out of nowhere about how important my destiny is
(B) Been there, done that
(S) I wear a dark, tight costume
(B) Ditto
(S) With a long flowing cape, too
I think we shop at the same store
(S) I have a wise father figure who isn't my father at all
Suck my balls!
(S) I'm Superman
I'm the freaking Man of Steel
I can do what I can
I am the real deal
I'm the most unique superhero that this world's ever seen
(B) Except for me
(S) I'm mentally depressed and psychologically tortured
(B) Not special
(S) I've stared into the vast empty void and have come out scarred
Yet responsibly stronger (B: Same)
(S) I reflect when I'm in my giant, dark, empty fortress
(B) Sounds familiar
(S) I try to save people but, under my protection, the civilian death toll has tripled
(B) Oops!
(S) I'm an awkward nerd
(B) No, you're not! You're an emo hunk every woman wants to sleep with
(S) Okay, you're right about that.
(B) Over here!
(S) I have a bland but independent girlfriend who I still have to save most of the time
(B) You mean like mine?
Listen up, twerp!
You can't be who I am
You're a speedy pretty boy and I'm the FRIGGING BATMAN!
The dark, brooding loner is my thing, you see
And Zack Snyder sure ain't gonna take that from me
I'm Batman
Better than the Man of Steel
You should know who I am
I'm the OG real deal
I'm the most unique superhero that the world's ever seen
So don't steal my thing
(S) No, I'm Superman!
I'm the freaking Man of Steel
I do whatever I can
Way more than the Batman will
To save the say, I'll do whatever I can
I've even killed a man
(B) Jesus, guy!
(S) What!? He was gonna-
He was gonna kill some random people I didn't know!
(B) Dude, I didn't even kill the insane clown who murdered my girlfriend!
(S) Oh.
(B) You're sick.
(S) No!
I'm Superman!
(Announcer) Coming Summer 2015
The Batman and Superman Movie
Two of the most polar opposite superheroes coming together at last
(B&S) Oh, fuck you, Zack Snyder!