I tucked in both the boys
and I put away their toys
so tonight I feel the joys of being wed.
I put away each smurf
and the footballs made of nerf
so tonight this daddy's turf will be his bed.
I cleaned up legos and gorillas, ninja turtles
and godzillas and one large tyrannosaurus rex.
Now who would have guessed
but soon I'll be undressed.
I'm married,
and I'm gonna have sex.
BOY: Dad! Tyler threw up in bed!
I laid out their school clothes
and the leftovers I froze
so I'm ready to expose my aching bust.
I walked to St. Bernard,
let the cat out in the yard,
so watch mommy work real hard with lots of lust.
I picked up Batman, Pez and slinkies, power rangers,
trolls and Twinkies, G.I. Joes, muscles that flex.
Now who would have known
that soon I'll hear me moan,
I'm married
and I'm gonna have sex.
Oh there was a time
when our nights were filled with passion so deep.
Oh the heights we would climb but now when its dark,
we'd much rather sleep.
But not tonight.
GIRL: Mom, I'm caught in the headboard!
The cars in the garage,
my libido's growing large,
and soon I will discharge my manly spell.
BOY: Dad! My lizard escaped!
I cooked dinner in the wok,
I washed every shirt and sock,
so tonight I'm gonna rock and roll like hell.
We played with play dough and Nintendo, we watched Gumbo to the end.
Oh now its time for fun that's rated x.
We almost didn't make it, but soon we'll both be naked,
we're married, we're married, and we're gonna have.
burning, yearning, wheezing, squeezing, gaudy, naughty,
heaving, pleading, good, old-fashioned.
KIDS: Mom! Dad! The lizard's eating the guppies!!
Let ‘em!!!