There is a train, (train, train)
that is bound for glory
But you won't find me on board...
If-you're-wonderin'-why, (why oh why)
come and listen to the story
Of why I'm not on a first name basis with the Lord
When I was a little child (just a little bitty tyke)
I used to read the gospel
and I prayed at night in my room
But then I went to college (U.C.L.A.)
and the required reading
included Schopenhauer, Kant and David Hume
In a very short time (in the relative sense)
that I had to declare my major
I went and chose philosophy
'Cause I began to think (therefore I am)
that I could totally ace the midterm
Because I could already spell epistemology
By my Sophomore year (still living in the dorm)
I started to doubt and ponder
The-very-existence of you know who
I had become (a godless heathen)
I prefer the term agnostic,
profound as Bertrand Russell, existential as Camus
Hey gimme that ol' Skepticism
Gimme that Logical Positivism
Dialectical Materialism's good enough for me
Oh, have you warshed in Einstein's theory that
Space/Time is curvulinear, not flat
or speculate each moment of your life is
as random as Schrödinger's cat
So today I stand here as a non-believer
But I'm tempted to change my ways
Cause recently, (in the very last verse)
while I was thinking deeply
I realized agnostics don't have any holidays
There is a train, train, train
that is bound for glory
But you won't find me on board...
If-you're-wonderin'-why, (why oh why)
come and listen to the story
Of why I'm not on a first name basis with the Lord