When you open up the drier and half your socks are gone,
When the cell phone's not on the table you put it on,
You're not sure what, but something has gone wrong.
When the TV remote has simply disappeared,
When the twenty you had in your wallet's been commandeered,
Where can you turn to when stuff starts getting weird?
It's the Alternate Universe Lost & Found,
That's the place you oughta go,
When you're looking for things no longer around,
They're the ones who oughta know,
When the fizz in your soda has all gone flat,
When you can't find your glasses, the keys or the cat,
The Alternate Universe Lost & Found is here.
When the kids find a cupboard that leads to a whole new place,
When you've gotta deliver a pizza 'cross time and space,
When you're in New York City and you want some salsa by Pace.
When your evil twin murders and you end up doing the time,
When you fall through a wormhole to Chiron Beta Prime,
When you wake to a world where Mel Blanc was a famous mime.
It's the Alternate Universe Lost & Found,
Better give 'em a call tonight,
When reality's springs have come unwound,
They're the ones who get 'em tight,
When the Mongol Hordes are invading your den,
Or the aliens want to probe you again,
The Alternate Universe Lost & Found is here.
We got smooth transitions between dimensions
So you can enjoy the ride,
We can fix the most futuristic inventions,
We do our jobs with pride,
We got Wacky Wafers and Black Jack Gum,
Tootsie Pop Drops and Fizzies too,
Major Matt Mason and Mrs. Beasley
Are all waiting here for you!
When you miss the innocent youth you used to be,
When you make a mistake and want back your virginity,
We can do it all, for only a modest fee.
When the world you live in isn't the world you want,
When you're tired of the rat race and want a relaxing jaunt,
Let down your guard, and we'll make your garde avant.
It's the Alternate Universe Lost & Found
Stop in for a free brouchure,
If you're Oz, Barsoom, or Wonderland bound,
Come schedule a guided tour,
If you feel like you got the short end of the stick,
The next world over might do the trick,
All kinds o' fantasies, small and large,
Happy endings, no extra charge,
If you can't make your dreams come true,
Just give us a call, we're here for you
The Alternate Universe Lost & Found is here.
- :
- In Concert WindyCon 2013
- Sound of Heaven
- Plugged
- Tom Smith and his Digital Acoustic Compilation
- Debasement Tapes
- The Last Hero on Earth: The 24-hour Project, Volume 2...
- Live at Ga-Filk 2001
- The Last Hero on Earth (Prerelease MP3 Pack)
- Laughter Is a Powerful Weapon, Volume 2
- The Last Hero on Earth: A Comic Opera
- Homecoming: Marcon 2005
- iTom 1.0: And So It Begins
- iTom 2.0: Transitions
- iTom 4.0: Smith and Legend
- Who Let Him in Here?
- Domino Death
- The Last Hero On Earth
- Live at LibertyCon 2010
- Live At ConTata 2011
- Live at DucKon 2010