Part 1:
Sittin on the front porch, in the warm summer sun,
Keeping very still, 'cause I want to have some fun,
Waiting for my victim, five, four, three, two, one --
If I had a rocking lawn chair,
If I had a rocking lawn chair,
If I had a rocking lawn chair,
Some kitty's tail is done.
We've gone to the convention, the convention's gone to Hell,
We're getting lots of grief from, the staff of this hotel,
We need a Lilliputian, who knows just what to yell --
If I had a pocket con-chair,
If I had a pocket con-chair,
If I had a pocket con-chair,
This con would be just swell.
Part 2:
(Grade
9 section)
At the Rio Lacuntun, a hundred thousand wait,
Dying of starvation, or some less humane fate,
Cry for Guatemala with a corpse at every gate,
If I had a rocket launcher, I'd retaliate,
If I had a rocket launcher, I'd retaliate,
If I had a rocket launcher, I wouldn't hesitate.
(If
I
Had
A
Million
Dollars section)
Here comes the helicopter (Here comes the helicopter),
Second time today (It's still tryin' to find a good place to park),
Everybody scatters (Everybody scatters),
And hope it goes away (Y'ever try cleaning up copter poop?),
How many kids they've murdered (That weren't watching Teletubbies),
Only God can say (He'll be on Jerry Springer next week),
If I had a rocket launcher,
I'd make someone pay...
If I had a rocket launcher (Not Van Halen's rockin' long-hair),
If I had a rocket launcher (Not Pete Sampras's racket lunge here),
If I had a rocket lau-au-u-aun-cher, I-I-I'd kill...
Some son of a bitch.
- :
- In Concert WindyCon 2013
- Sound of Heaven
- Plugged
- Tom Smith and his Digital Acoustic Compilation
- Debasement Tapes
- The Last Hero on Earth: The 24-hour Project, Volume 2...
- Live at Ga-Filk 2001
- The Last Hero on Earth (Prerelease MP3 Pack)
- Laughter Is a Powerful Weapon, Volume 2
- The Last Hero on Earth: A Comic Opera
- Homecoming: Marcon 2005
- iTom 1.0: And So It Begins
- iTom 2.0: Transitions
- iTom 4.0: Smith and Legend
- Who Let Him in Here?
- Domino Death
- The Last Hero On Earth
- Live at LibertyCon 2010
- Live At ConTata 2011
- Live at DucKon 2010